Yesterday

I finally completed my first 5 times prayers in a day.
still trying to get used to adjusting my body clock.
always go back to sleep after Subuh prayers!!

Day 2 baby

Salam.

It has been 2 days.

2 days since I have reverted.

I remember feeling nervous the whole day.

I woke up at 7+ to do my morning run which I haven’t done for a really long time.

Surprisingly, I hardly had difficulty waking up though I had a late night the day before.

The weather was super duper hot. Like really very hot.

It was a very “busy” day for me.

I was nervous I had to recite the Shahadah, then I met friends whom I am meeting for the first time.

Then, I was worried about mum & nanny with Isham’s parents meeting for the first time.

My poly futsal mate who came alone, I wanted to make sure she didn’t felt left out.

On top of that, lots of admin stuff, filling up of form and getting myself mentally prepared… for the real deal.

Then Ustaz sat us down,

I think his humour kinda calmed me down a little. haha

Just to make sure I had made this decision on my own.

Recited infront of so many people!!!

Finally when I was done, I received so many gifts from DA!! Haha

Glad to put most of them into immediate use.

I have 4 Hijabs as gifts, soon, Insha’Allah.

There were a few moments I was holding back my tears.

Feels like I have been waiting for too long

I feel so relieved!

Had lunch at my favourite Hor Fun stall which unfortunately turned out abit too salty.

Busy running up and down to get food and drinks. haha.

Then while we were finishing, there was a passing rain. Aka “blessings”. J

Headed home to have my obligatory bath after that.
I was so tired by then. Haha

Had my prayers before going out.

What a great start to a new Journey...

Birthday

Thankful to all friends/colleagues/sisters who have eased my journey in each and every way

struggle

Right after finishing my 18.45km,
I went to my cousin's place for prayers on my grandfather's death anniversary.
I recited Al-Fatiha instead.
The funny thing was that the dog was initially very excited when we came over, but after I recited Al-Fatiha,  he became very toned down,
he was less active and would just sit down beside me without touching me.
It could be coincidence but... or maybe he just got bored.

Then everyone asked how much I was earning and i meant everyone.
It scares me.

not everyone can understand the peace the religion has taught me.
The family values I never had and learning how to be patient despite setbacks.
This world is just temporary and our judgement day awaits.

I am more afraid that instead of pulling myself out of the shithole,
I am dragging 1 more person down

A name

I have more or less settled on a name.
The very important date is on 14 Nov.
It is life-changing.
It is the biggest decision I have ever made, but I know I'll be better.
I have just less than 2 months to go and I feel so far,
even further than I was 2 months ago.
Fasting period kept me very focused and disciplined.
what happened? Just what happened?
I even dreamt that I forgot how to recite Al-Fatiha
How is that possible?
A timely reminder.
Pray, when times are hard
Pray more, when times are a little at ease.
No one guaranteed a trouble free life,
but if He puts you to it, He will bring you through it!!

buck up please!

Mixed feelings on the last day

Glad that I made it healthy, and even had the energy to exercise!

Glad this year my mum woke up earlier everyday without fail to cook for me

Thankful that my friends and colleagues are being extremely understanding.

Sisters for encouraging and blessing me with gifts.

Lastly, the chance to break fast with his family frequently.

I was on low-key last year with only closer colleagues aware that I was fasting

This year everyone who walked past me during lunch questioned me.

Then I realised there were alot alot of misconceptions about Islam,

some of them think 

"oh, cannot eat but can drink water right"?

"oh how long? 1 week?"

"cannot eat at 7am right?"

during my lunch time I would practice reading the prayers

some of them saw the arabic words.

a very cute colleague asked me why I was learning and if I was going extreme to terrorism.

The answer is simple now, I do everything I do because I believe.

one of my boss also thinks it is a big sacrifice to fast.

I used to think I have made alot of sacrifices for 'Isham...

now I have a totally different stand.

One day I wld be thankful I did what I did because guess who is getting the rewards!

ME ME ME! not anyone else :)

had a mini test during this month.

anw, he apologised so there was really no reason for me not to forgive.

Although I have to say some people will never think they are in the wrong

and can pretend things didn't happen at all.

So there was one morning, I was practicing my prayers...

I had the telekung on, it was hot so I had the fan on, then my room had really limited space

and I had to hold the book cus there were some parts I still can't memorise totally

Intially I thought I had it all memorised - the order etc

but it suddenly felt like you enter the exam hall, you know you studied but your mind just turn blanked!!! anw, I proceeded and struggled.

But thats ok :) practice makes perfect! 

Last yr's focus was getting thru the hunger and thirst all together

glad this year was so much more :)

prayers answered this year :)

May all my deeds this month be accepted :) 

Things happened, I did not forget. I chose to forgive because...
God has biggest mercy for my sins. This world is a test in itself
and I must be forgiving just like how He is ever forgiving to me.
Those people will deserve what they deserve on judgement day.

Day 10 of Ramadan

It has been great so far.
This year I tried to level up by practicing abit of modesty.
to be more aware of what I do/wear
instead of just fasting...

Coping well and alternating between a swim and a jog on weekdays!
just getting a little lazy during "off" days
Iftar at 'Isham's place for 2 consecutive fridays.
Thankful for such occasions because sitting down in the dining table at home doesn't happen.
They are one family that believes hardwork and of course with the trust in Him,
so they work hard and give the best to the kids, earning extra income in diff ways when the kids
are still young. It is really not easy to raise 4 kids with only a sole breadwinner.
Now they are reaping all the results of their hardwork ;)

"Wealth will not be decreased by giving charity"

Thank God for amazing people whom I have met, Making my journey a little easier
and alot more meaningful.
One of my classmates in prayers class gave me an english translation of the Quran.
And while online shopping for a telekung to self prep Ramadan,
upon hearing I am a convert-to-be, a sister wanted to send me as a gift.
such nice gestures. Thank you sisters <3
Thank you Allah for making my transition period a little less stressful.
This is only the beginning...

While I can afford and blessed with a good job, little things like these really makes my day
Many good returns to all of you!


meanwhile, all the best for my exams :)

Our Lord, do not place us with the wrongdoing people [7:47]

Things have been pretty tough.
Barbaric behavior,fighting,quarreling, hurling vulgarities,hatred, problems.
I always think violence is never a solution to problems
- in fact that is how barbaric people solve issues.
I have been waiting to break away from this kind of life.

So please let me begin a new life...

Do the people think that they will be left to say , "We believe" and will not be tested? [29:2]

There must be reasons for my pain and is part of His plans for me.
Pls give me strength to endure the pain and have beautiful patience for the good that is planned for me.

Everyone can judge me.
Changes are expected but I hope people around me will understand.
I must have gone through a whole lots of thought process before making the decision.
but it was only right for me to feel so.
I need to start Anew.
Ask for forgiveness for the mistakes I have done
Be thankful for the dreams/warnings I can relate so well to
Be grateful for all you've blessed me with.
A prayer for people who have helped me along the way, guided me, loved me.
Just a little more on forgiving all the people who have let me down.

It will not be easy but I will try.
Just the thought of it is overwhelming. I imagine myself declaring the Shahada.
I can already feel relieved, because even if the whole world can't understand
how I feel and the things I am going through, I know You can.
I can speak to You knowing that I can trust You and Your plans.

A revert?
It feels like my whole life, I was put in a position destined to find Him.

People may only know what they were told, and I cannot blame them.
Dear God, only you know how down I have been feeling and how much disappointment
I have to go through each time. They think I haven't done much but I don't care anymore.
As long as You know.

Safinah Talk 23: Trust in His perfect timing

Taking a break from my studying Sun just 3 weeks from exams and haven't started memorizing
hopefully after understanding the first round, memorising will be easier.

Attended a talk organised by Safinah Institute on "Trust in His perfect timing"
It was held at Bugis+ and I was one of the very few ladies without a Tudung.
It was easy to spot. Nonetheless, the 3 speakers were great.
Everyone of us have our reasons to be there - and it may be different.
And they spoke in general statements that deep down you can connect to your own problems.
In fact, I had a tough time battling the tears at some points.
Took away alot from this course. Well spent $24.
Guess I am always the one rushing and hurrying things to be done my way.
Maybe a dysfunctional family was the reason I found 2 other people who loves me as much
and the reason for me to strive to be a better person and built my own ideal family.
Of course, the reason I am closer to Allah.
Have I not gone through the ordeals, I may not have "felt" his existence.
God has a reason for all that has happened, so....
I am telling myself, to have patience and have Faith!
"and it is in the things you love most that you find the greatest test"

I came out of the hall motivated, positive, and hopefully maximising my waiting time to do meaningful things that will make Allah happy and in turn make me happy.

Blessed week ahead.